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| Business is business !!! |
One day at a school in South London, a teacher
said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give $20 to
the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever
lived."
An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St.
Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry Alan, that's not correct."
Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was
St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish,
that's not right either.
Finally, a Gujarati boy raised his hand and said, "It
was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right,
Jayant, come up here and I'll give you the $20."
As the teacher was giving Jayant his money, she said,
"You know Jayant, since you are Gujarati, I was very surprised
you said Jesus Christ."
Jayant replied, "Yes, in my heart I always knew it
was Lord Krishna, but business is business!"
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| TopSeven Eleven |
4 husbands were sitting at the waiting room in a hospital waiting for their wives to give birth.
Soon, a nurse came out from the delivery room and told the first daddy: "Congratulations, you've twins!".
"Oh!..... maybe it's just a coincidence" said the daddy,"as I'm working at the Petronas Twin Towers".
Then another nurse came out of the room and told the second daddy:"Congratulations, you've triplets!"
"Wooow!, this is a coincidence,too" said the second daddy."I am working for 3M Corporation".
A while later, another nurse appeared and told the third daddy: "Congratulations! your wife got quadruplets" "Thanks God. Perhaps this is also a coincidence"."I work at Four Seasons Hotel!".
Meanwhile, the fourth daddy-to-be was becoming very worried.
All the 3 daddies asked him: "Why do you look so worried?".He answered, "...uhmmm.... I'm working at Seven-Eleven
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| TopMom's Selection |
Falling in luv is a secret ambition. Finding true love is the greatest tension.
So follow the Indian tradition and marry your mom's selection.
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| TopEngineering Vs Management |
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted,"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am."
The man below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist."I am", replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well", answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything you've delayed my trip even more."
The man below responded, "You must be in management." "I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems." |
| TopFunny Shayari |
Majnu ko Laila ka sms nahi aaya, Majnu ne 2 din se khana nahi khaya,
Majnu marne wala hai Laila ke pyar main, Aur Laila baithi hai sms free hone ke intezar main
Ab jab gira baadal, teri yaad aayi, Jhoom ke barsa saawan, teri yaad aayi, Bheega main, lekin phir bhi teri yaad aayi, Kyun na aaye teri yaad? Tune jo chhatri ab tak nahi lautai...
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| TopAppology Letter.....hilarious |
A School Master from a remote rural area in Bihar was transferred to a new School in Mumbai. He reported for duty two days after the actual date of joining. Consequently he was asked for an explanation in writing...
Deer sur,
If small small mistakes getting inside my letter, I big you pardon, ass I am not a good englis speaker.
This is my fist vijit to Bombai. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly, but for the following region, too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment. I tolded I has head ache problem due to migration. Still the clerk rejected to give ticket to I and my sun. I putted a complain on station masterji. He said I to go to the lady clerk. At first she also rejected. I then pressed for long time and finally with great difficulty she gave a birth to my sun. Anyway I thanked the station master also because he was phully responsible for getting birth of my sun. Ass a hole it was a bhery diphicult experiment in my hole life. I hope u will look into explain my hole story after, and late me joint first. I am now ending this fastly. I am a waiter for your responsement.
May God blast you!"
Yours awfully,
RAMKHILAWAN YADAV |
| TopProfessional Love Letter |
Dearest Ms Juliet,
I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Sunday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 27th of July. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.
I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
Thanking you in anticipation,
Yours sincerely,
Romeo ( HR Executive ) |
| TopProgrammer |
The boy is smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air. The girl gets irritated with the smoke and says to her lover: "Can't you see the warning written on the cigarettes packet, smoking is injurious to health!"
The boy replies back: "Darling, I am a Programmer. We don't worry about warnings, we only worry about errors." |
| TopEngineers |
There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.
The chemical engineeer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, "Why don`t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it`ll work !?" |
| TopAjit |
Rawbert : Boss, mera teesra bachcha ho gaya, uska naam soch ke bataiye.
Ajit : Peter, Repeater ke baad teesre ka naam Chang Lee.
Rawbert : Teesre ka naam "Chang Lee" kyo boss?
Ajit : Silly boy, iss duniya mein paida hone waalaa har teesra bachcha Chinese hota hai!
Lily : Boss, mere ko twins hoey hain.. dono ladki ke liye koi naam suggest kijiye.
Ajit : Very simple... ek ka naam rakho Kate...
Lily : Aur doosre ka?
Ajit : Dupli-Kate!
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| TopShaadi se..... |
Shaadi se pehle - Maine Pyar Kiya
Shaadi ke baad - Ye Maine Kya Kiya? |
Shaadi se pehle - Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
Shaadi ke baad - Kuch Nahi Hota Ha |
Shaadi se pehle - Dil To Pagal Hai
Shaadi ke baad - Dil To Pagal Tha |
Shaadi se pehle - Ek Duje Ke Liye
Shaadi ke baad - Sirf Bachcho Ke Liye |
Shaadi se pehle - Badshah
Shaadi ke baad - Yes Boss
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Shaadi se pehle - Titanic
Shaadi ke baad - Mortgage |
Shaadi se pehle - Chandramukhi
Shaadi ke baad - Jwaalamukhi |
Shaadi se pehle - Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge
Shaadi ke baad - Baaki Log Sukhi Ho Jayenge |
Shaadi se pehle - Hum Aapke Hai Koun?
Shaadi ke baad - Barbadi Ka Reason |
Shaadi se pehle - Aao Pyar Karen
Shaadi ke baad - Aur Bhi Kuch Kaam Karen? |
Shaadi se pehle - chal chayya chayya
Shaadi ke baad - ah aab laut chale |
Shaadi se pehle - hum aapke dil main rehte hain
Shaadi ke baad - hum apke ghar main rehte hain |
Shaadi se pehle - arzoo
Shaadi ke baad - ansoo |
Shaadi se pehle - soldier
Shaadi ke baad - Gulaam |
Shaadi se pehle - pyaar to hona hi tha
Shaadi ke baad - meri saath esa kyu hua |
Shaadi se pehle - jeevan saathi
Shaadi ke baad - bachcho ke baad, bangaye hathi |
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| TopSMS |
Santa ko uska sasur peet raha tha. Why?
Santa's wife delivered a baby. Doctor sent him SMS "mumbark ho aap baap ban gaye". Santa forward this SMS to all. |
| TopLetter To My Boss - Soccer Maniac |
Letter To My Boss - Soccer Maniac
Dear Sir/ Madam,
I wish to let you know that the FIFA World Cup has began. This is not just any other tournament, it's the World Cup! Please note that this tournament takes a month to finish, i.e from 9th June to 9th July. During this period take note of the following:
* Will be knocking off earlier than usual in order to watch the kick off of the first game.
* Do not be surprised if I report a little bit late every morning, it will depend of the time the last game finishes.
* Production will go up during this month as almost all employees will be happy and highly motivated (Check Maslow's motivation Theories with Human Resource).
* I know you are into other boring sports like golf, bowling, etc. Please if you want to fit in the work environment for the next one month, try to know something about soccer, even asking a foolish question like "Is Zambia playing tonight?" is welcome, that is if you really want to fit in, or else no one will be a loner for one full month.
* Greeting each other in the morning will change from "Good morning" to "How was the game last night?"
* I will not accept to work overtime during this period as no amount of money can buy me to miss a game. Therefore make sure you do not give me any work after 19:30 hours.
* I will need to be up-to-date with the latest therefore the first 1 hour every morning is for accessing sports websites and other updates on the internet and also chatting with friends.
* Lastly, please do not think you can fire me should you decide to break any of the above rules as you will have to fire everyone.
Thank you for your understanding.
Yours faithfully,
Soccer Crazy Employee! |
| TopJava Interview attended by our Banta Singh. |
Q. What is the difference between an Abstract class and Interface?
A. Terms are different ... nothing more ]
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Q. What is JFC ?
A. Jilebi, Fanta & Coffee
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Q. Explain 2 tier and 3 -tier Architecture ?
A. Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tyres and autorickshaws will have 3 tyres.
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Q. I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server ? Which methodology will follow ?
A. Send it through courier.
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Q. Can I modify an object in CORBA ?
A. As you wish , I do not have any objections.
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Q. How to communicate 2 threads each other ?
A. Non living things can't communicate.
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Q. What is meant by flickering ?
A. Closing and opening of eyes at girls.
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Q. Explain RMI Architecture?
A. I am a computer professional not an architect student.
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Q. What is the use of Servlets ?
A. In hotels, they can replace servers.
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Q. What is the dif ference between Process and Threads ?
A. Threads are small ropes. Make a rope from threads is an example for process.
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Q. When is update method called ?
A. Who is update method?
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Q. What is JAR file ?
A. File that can be kept inside a jar.
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Q. What is JINI ?
A. A ghost which was Aladdin's friend.
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Q. How will you call an Applet from a Java Script?
A. I will give invitation.
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Q. How you can know about drivers and database information ?
A. I will go and enquire in the bus dep ot.
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Q. What is serialization ?
A. Arranging one after the other from left to right.
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Q. What is bean ? Where it can be used ?
A. A kind of vegetable. In kitchens for cooking they can be used.
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Q. Write down how will you create a binary Tree ?
A. When we sow a binary seed , a binary tree will grow.
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Q. What is the exact difference between Unicast and Multicast object ?
A. If in a society, if there is only one caste, then it is Unicast, else it is multicast |
| TopReady for Snap |
A person dies because of a lightening strike in his area. The strange thing was that his body was found with a big "smile" Do you have a reason for that... y was it that way?
The brother had one, He said my bro was getting ready for a snap when there was lightening.... |
| TopPhone Bill |
The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting.
Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone.I do not use this phone; I use the one at the office.
Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.
Maid: So what is the problem? We all use our work telephones! |
| TopShocking Telegram |
A wife with near maturing pregnancy goes to railway station to return to her husband.
At the reservation counter , while her turn came, it was the last ticket. Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue, she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as:
"Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old lady."
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| Topwoman speech |
Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to leave, otherwise they are all going to fall. They were not able to name that person, until the woman held a very touching speech.
She said that she will voluntarily let go of the rope, because as a woman she is used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, without ever getting anything in return.
As soon as she finished her , all the men started clapping their hands....... |
| TopTongue Twister |
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
Did Peter Piper pick a peck of pickled peppers?
If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,
Where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked? |
| TopBaarish |
Ae baarish itna bhi maat baras ki mera mehboob aa na sake,
Aur agar aaye tho itna baras ki woh jaa na sake.......Wah Wah Wah!!! |
| Toptwo Cigarettes |
You are in a boat in the middle of a river. You have two Cigarettes and have to light any one cigarette. You don't have anything else with you in the boat? How will you do it?
Answer: Take one cigarette and throw it in the water. So the boat will become LIGHTER........using this LIGHTER you can light the other Cigarette
another deadly answer: You throw a cigarette up and catch it. Catches win Matches. Using the matches that you win, you can light the cigarette
If that was not enough, one more deadly answer: Take water in your hand and drop it drop by drop...(TIP - TIP). "TIP TIP barsa Pani, Pani ne aag lagayee." us aag se hamne cigarette jalayee". .
If that was not enough, one more deadly answer: Start praising one cigarette, The other will get jealous & "jalney lagega" |
| TopHawa Mein |
| Hawa mein bindast ud raha galib, hawa mein azad ud raha tha galid, hawa mein betab ud raha tha galid, phir? phir kya, ruk gayi hawa gir gaya galib. |
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