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| Here to laugh??? READ BELOW |
| G E N E R A L |
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When u feel lonely and alone & cannot see any one around you, the world seems to be fading away,come along with me i'll take u to an eye specialist!!
If marriages are made in heaven , then what are made in Hell?
Ans : the days after marriage
During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom made to sit on the horse ?
Ans : He is given his last chance to run away.
Just close ur eyes and think of urself for 10 seconds...... Open ur eyes !
Now you will realize that u have wasted 10 sec in thinking of a fool....
I wrote ur name on the sands............. it got washed away,
I wrote ur name in air..........................it got blown away,
So i wrote ur name in my heart.............i got a HEART ATTACK
The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.The wife decided to make a wish,too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled "It really works!"
LOVE is like a CIGAR --> It starts with a fire..... continues with smoke.....and ends in ashes... But dont worry - we are chain smokers
Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.
Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.
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Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.
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Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.
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Wife - hae bhagwan! forget it where s your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.
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Wife - at least give me your credit card, i can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.
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Wife - i made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.
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Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.
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Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.
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Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.
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Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.
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Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.
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Wife - i will go to my dad s house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.
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Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.
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Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.
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Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer.
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| I N S U L T S |
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Fool
Earth may stop Rotating, Birds may stop Flying, Candles may stop Melting,
Fishes may stop Swimming, Heart may stop Beating, But your Brain will never start working!
Lunatic
I've written nice poem 4 you. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star..
you should Know What you R..& Once you Know What you R.. Mental Hospital is not So Far..
Dead Fool
Why are Egyptian's Children always confused??
Coz after death, their DADDY becomes the MUMMY.
Mental
My friend, the best quality that I like about u is that, U R very sentimental ....
10% Senti and 90% Mental..!
Animal
Birds love you, monkeys love you, hippos love you, snakes love you, tortoise love you,
giraffe loves you..... Please go back to ZOO, they all really miss you!
Tough Luck
Sincere Apology: If u dont like any of my SMS n dont like 2 read,
then plz dont hesitate, feel free to..... throw ur mobile!!
Doggone
After engagement : Superman
After Marriage : Gentleman
After 10 years : Watchman
After 20 years : Doberman
Joker
Sorry 4 disturbing u...can u fax me ur photo, its very urgent, serious matter has comeup actually, we r playing cards and I lost the joker
Monkey
What happened 2 ur network? I tried 2 call u but the operator said "Welcome 2 the jungle,
the monkey u r trying to call is on the tree....Plz try later."
Brainless
Scientists all over the world r wondering how long a human being can live without a brain...
Kindly tell them ur age.
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| L I N G U I S T I C |
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Andhe ke hath me "TORCH",
Bahare ke hath me "RADIO",
Gunge ke hath me "MIKE",
AUR AAP KE HATH ME " MOBILE "
WAH WAH Kya Jamana Aaya hai!!!
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Evolution of Man:
Shadi se pahale: HERO No. 1
Shadi ke baad: COOLIE No. 1
Shadi se pahale: Meine Pyar Kiya
Shadi ke bad: Yeh Meine kya kiya
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Teri yaad mein humne kalam uthaayi
liya paper aur tasveer aapki bnayi
socha tha ki usko dil se laga kar rakhenge
magar vo to bacho ko draane ke kaam aayi...
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Phulon se khoobsurat koi nahi.
Sagar se gahara koi nahi.
Aab aapki kya tarif karu...
Dost me aap jaisa...
Nalayak koi nahi!
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Maine poocha chand se...
Kabhi dekha hai mere yaar sa hasin.....
Chand bola....
12036 entries found !
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Macchar ne jo kata... dil main mere junoon tha.
Khujli hui itni... dil be sukoon tha.
Pakada to chod diya yeh soch kar ki....
sale ki ragon main apna hi khoon tha !
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| I N T E L L I G E N C E |
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Q . How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack!
Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall,how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built.
Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good one)
Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand.
Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs , He sleeps at night.
Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that.
Q. What looks like half apple ?
A : The other half.
Q. What can you never eat for breakfast ?
A : Dinner.
Q. What happened when wheel was invented ?
A : It caused a revolution.
Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A : Liquid
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| W A C K Y - Q U O T E S |
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Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
- Albert Einstein
The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
- Robert Frost
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
- Franklin P. Jones
We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?
- Jean Cocturan
It matters not whether you win or lose;what matters is whether I win orlose.
- Darrin Weinberg
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.
Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers.
It is not exactly cheating, I prefer to consider it creative problem solving.
Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know where to shop.
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Forgive your enemies but remember their names.
The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Dont worry that the world ends today, its already tomorrow in Australia!
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